Figuring Out Life

1 month left until I return to work. 1 month until I can no longer be with my baby boy 24/7. In ways I am joyful that I will be back to work, having a daily purpose but in other ways I am sad.

I one day dreamed that I would become as stay at home mother. There is no doubt that I could do it. I would just need to find other things to do all day. I am an introvert but even an introvert needs to get out and about. I would need a routine, which is doable. But I also love going to work 5 days a week! All my friends are at work so I can do my job and be sociable. I can be a part of the world instead of becoming a hermit! And the same with my children! I would rather my child and future children be at a daycare/babysitter that has other children around. Having other children around will help with their social skills and to be outgoing with other people.

So what shall I do to prepare to go back to work? I already have a pumping schedule down to where I will only have to pump once while at work. I have a babysitter already lined up for during the week, my family will watch him on the weekends I work. But the problems that I foresee are making dinner, doing laundry, cleaning house, and keeping up on the dishes.

We have gotten a dishwasher so some, not all, dishes will be able to be done there. But if I want to keep my kitchen in order I need to wash what little dishes I make in the evening. Shouldn’t be too hard. Keeping up on laundry shouldn’t be too hard. But I also hate hanging and folding laundry, even if it is easy. Every time I let my clean laundry pile up I have tons of laundry to hang and fold. And every time I wonder why I wait until then to do it because it is easy and goes by so quickly. Growing up my mother would make us morning routine lists and we would have to make sure everything was checked off and done before school. If it wasn’t done there would be a punishment. So I am going to make daily to do lists to keep up on laundry and cleaning house. So then I’m not doing so many chores on one given day of the week. I am doing 1 or 2 chores daily.

As for making dinner. I plan on making monthly meal plans where I can make and freeze them ahead of time. From lasagnas, enchiladas, chili, soups, and smoothies. I love to cook! But if I could have just part of the cooking done like marinated meat or all the ingredients in a bag that need thrown in the crock pot or a tin pan that just needs put in the oven! Anything will help me be the wife I know I can be and the mother I want to be! I want to take care of my home as well as enjoy my family!

It’s going to take some work but I am hoping to succeed!

 

Baby Blues

You never really understand what people are talking about when they warn you about the baby blues. It could literally be about anything and everything at the same time. For me it was the stress of him not being able to latch on to my breast for breastfeeding. He never truly did without a nipple shield and I was trying so hard to hold everything in. He couldn’t open his mouth wide enough and his chin is recessed so it was already difficult for him to latch on.

We went home on December 30, 2016 and it was emotion overload! I was excited, scared, worried, and sad all at the same time. Questions ran through my mind like “Can I do this?” “Will I be able to survive?” “Will I be able to take care of another human being?” “Were we actually ready for this?” As we exited the hospital parking lot a song came on the radio that explained everything that I was feeling. The song was “I’ll Keep On” by NF. ( https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2bTYKwkr6Y0 ) The first words were “Oh these hands are tired Oh this heart is tired Oh this soul is tired But I’ll keep on” just these words made me cry and reminded me that everything would be okay. God put us and this song in the same moment for a reason. To remind us that we could handle this and everything will be okay!

December 31, 2016, New Year’s Eve, rolls around and I am past exhausted and with dealing with the breastfeeding I broke down and called my mother. I couldn’t stop crying so my mother left her party to come take care of us at 10:30 pm. It was great just having someone other than my husband who knew what I was going through. She helped me with nursing and pumping and washed my dishes. It was truly a blessing that my mother showed up. I don’t think I would have made it through the night without her help.

After my mother came to help me I went to a breastfeeding center a couple of cities over and it was all wonderful help but overwhelming at the same time. I left the center emotionally wrecked and still had to go to my little brother’s 12th birthday party! A couple of days later I decided that I was going to pump and feed it to him through a bottle. I had found out that he wasn’t getting enough milk straight from the breast and wasn’t gaining weight like he was supposed to. I am definitely less stressed now and am enjoying my newborn and the moments we have together! Stress over something so minor isn’t worth losing the precious moments you have with your newborn. You will never get those moments in life!