My husband works 3rd shift at a car parts manufacturer. He was allowed paternity leave for 3 weeks with no pay. He took a week off before Titus entered this world just in case he decided to come early. He went back to work this past Monday evening and I was so nervous. Would I be strong enough to take care of a child at night by myself and get enough sleep? Surprisingly it hasn’t been all bad. The only thing is Titus has become a co-sleeper. All he wants to do is sleep next to me or lay on top of me! While this is all wonderful and I don’t ever want it to stop, it has to. If he doesn’t learn to sleep by himself, in his bed he want ever want to do it when he grows up. I don’t know about all of the other mom’s in the world but I already don’t like sharing a bed with my husband! So the adventure begins tonight wear we keep Titus in bed. Whether I am up all night rocking him back to sleep or just putting the soother back into his mouth, he is staying in bed!
Tonight is night 1. Things are going smoothly so far. I don’t want to get my hopes up but the routine that we have started is working well. The routine was given to me by my mother. She told me it was what we would do with my little brother. It starts with giving him a bath about an hour or more before his last feeding before bedtime. Tonight I bathed him around 6:45-7 pm. After bathing and putting lotion on him I went and got his bottle ready so it could be ready when I needed it. We sat down in the glider in his bedroom and I read him a bedtime story to try and keep him awake. My mother says if you bath him and try to keep him awake until his feeding he will go to bed easier. After reading a story we try to have some “eye” time and just talk to each other. Tomorrow night I may incorporate tummy time. He barely could stay awake during the bedtime story tonight so we didn’t make it to the time I want to but it is a work in progress! After “eye” time I fed him a warm bottle, gave him his soother after he was finished and burped, and rocked him to sleep. Holding my baby boy to sleep is probably the best thing in the world. He is calm and motionless! Snuggled up against you, you are the only person he wants! I wouldn’t trade this moment for anything!
Now, Titus has been having trouble sleeping on his back. My mother said some babies just aren’t back sleepers. She said she bought the foam triangles for my brother to sleep on his side, he wasn’t a back sleeper either, but all he wanted to do was sleep on his belly. I am not buying those foam triangles when all you need is a rolled up bath towel! And I also had the thought that if he is more comfortable sleeping with me maybe if I put the shirt I wore that day in bed with him he would sleep better. Why, you ask? My scent is all over that shirt from the whole day! If he smells my scent he will be more comfortable sleeping! So when I laid him into bed I removed the heating pad, I warm his bed with a heating pad before feeding him so the bed won’t be cold, I positioned his back up against the towel and laid my shirt close enough that he could smell it but not suffocate if he rolled onto his front!
I sat in my living room waiting patiently to hear his cry after 10 minutes, like I normally do, but I heard nothing! He was sleeping! I continued to watch television and I heard him grunting a little bit after a while. I asked my husband to go check on him and make sure he didn’t roll onto his front and was suffocating in my shirt. He indeed had rolled onto his front and my husband didn’t like how much of his face was into my shirt so he rolled him back! He didn’t know that I was laying him on his side to sleep so he rolled him on his back. He continued sleeping! Maybe it’s the smell of my shirt along with having something laying right up against him that soothes him to sleep! I don’t know and I don’t care! He is sleeping in his bed!
Will this last all night? Will it last forever? Only time will tell if this all works, I am hoping it does! Because in the end mommas need to take care of themselves so they can take care of their families! I will try to update tomorrow about how the night went! Pray everything works out for me!
You never really understand what people are talking about when they warn you about the baby blues. It could literally be about anything and everything at the same time. For me it was the stress of him not being able to latch on to my breast for breastfeeding. He never truly did without a nipple shield and I was trying so hard to hold everything in. He couldn’t open his mouth wide enough and his chin is recessed so it was already difficult for him to latch on.
We went home on December 30, 2016 and it was emotion overload! I was excited, scared, worried, and sad all at the same time. Questions ran through my mind like “Can I do this?” “Will I be able to survive?” “Will I be able to take care of another human being?” “Were we actually ready for this?” As we exited the hospital parking lot a song came on the radio that explained everything that I was feeling. The song was “I’ll Keep On” by NF. ( https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2bTYKwkr6Y0 ) The first words were “Oh these hands are tired Oh this heart is tired Oh this soul is tired But I’ll keep on” just these words made me cry and reminded me that everything would be okay. God put us and this song in the same moment for a reason. To remind us that we could handle this and everything will be okay!
December 31, 2016, New Year’s Eve, rolls around and I am past exhausted and with dealing with the breastfeeding I broke down and called my mother. I couldn’t stop crying so my mother left her party to come take care of us at 10:30 pm. It was great just having someone other than my husband who knew what I was going through. She helped me with nursing and pumping and washed my dishes. It was truly a blessing that my mother showed up. I don’t think I would have made it through the night without her help.
After my mother came to help me I went to a breastfeeding center a couple of cities over and it was all wonderful help but overwhelming at the same time. I left the center emotionally wrecked and still had to go to my little brother’s 12th birthday party! A couple of days later I decided that I was going to pump and feed it to him through a bottle. I had found out that he wasn’t getting enough milk straight from the breast and wasn’t gaining weight like he was supposed to. I am definitely less stressed now and am enjoying my newborn and the moments we have together! Stress over something so minor isn’t worth losing the precious moments you have with your newborn. You will never get those moments in life!
It’s been 13 days since this beautiful miracle entered our lives! The journey was long and emotionally rough sometimes but totally worth it in the end.
The day was December 27, 2016 when I went into my routine appointment to get checked. It also happened to be my due date. The doctor checked me and told me I was still only 1 cm dilated. She ordered an ultrasound to check if the baby was going to be 9 or 10 pounds. Turns out he was around 7 pounds 12 ounces and the technician said there was very little amniotic fluid! He explained this to the doctor and the doctor ordered a stress test. If the baby was under any stress we were going to the hospital right away to be induced and monitored. If not, we were going home to finish getting the house ready, finish packing, and eat dinner before coming back at 7 pm.
At 7 pm I was induced. The contractions started and I lasted 7 hours before the contractions were coming very often but were short lived. I couldn’t take it anymore and wanted to enjoy my labor with him as much as possible. I chose to get the epidural which was terrifying and hilarious to me all at the same time. I couldn’t move or feel anything below my waist which I always found hilarious because every time they would move me or lift my leg I couldn’t feel it but I saw them moving it!
On December 28, 2016, at 6:08 pm, Titus James Allen Vukich decided to grace us with his presence! I was in labor for 23 hours but only ended up pushing for 24 minutes. Some of that time even included waiting for the doctor to arrive. It all happened so fast that when he came out all I saw and thought of was him. He was so beautiful and I was so relieved that I finally got to see hid tiny little face. He was 7 pounds 13 ounces and 18 inches long. I didn’t even hear the doctor say that he swallowed extra fluid, or know that Josh cut the umbilical cord, or that the doctor accidentally nicked the umbilical cord after and sent blood all over the floor. My eyes were only set on him!
Childbirth is terrifying and anxiety filled. But when it is actually happening you aren’t thinking about it. You are just doing it and it is a beautiful moment. I cried for hours just looking at him and thinking about how beautiful he is. (Yes, boys can be beautiful!) All the anxiety was worth it! Don’t be afraid to feel and express your emotions! It just shows how much you already love your child!
It is day 3 of my maternity leave and I still have no energy. This baby is sucking the life out of me. I just wish he would arrive sooner rather than later! The house is clean, the laundry is done, and the only thing left to do it pack a hospital bag! Having a child around the holidays was definitely not in our plan but it was definitely in God’s plan! Things seem so hectic trying to see everyone and concentrate on advancing labor. I had a doctor’s appointment on Monday the 12th and I was only 1 cm dilated. I have another appointment on the 19th. If he has not progressed to where they want him to be we will be talking induction date! It all just seems so real now!
Titus James Allen Vukich. That is going to be my baby boy’s name! It’s uncommon but common enough for me! He is already loved so much he will not know what to do with himself when he arrives! He has been moving quite a lot these past few days and pushing much harder against my stomach and I love the feeling! People always ask if it hurts or if he is up in my ribs, no, I have had the best pregnancy a girl could ask for. I didn’t get morning sickness or swelling ankles. I quite literally felt like I did before I got pregnant, except there was something that moved inside my abdomen every once and a while. I fear losing this bond I have with him after he is born! There will be a new bond but I won’t be carrying him around with me 24/7 to work, appointments, or to bed every night. He will be near me but he won’t be a part of me and that saddens me. But to be able to actually hold him for the first time puts be right back into getting the ball rolling!
You never pay attention to how messy your home is until you have your first child! The nesting you go through is a real sickness! I call it a sickness because you are thinking about it all day and there are just some days that you don’t have the energy to do anything. Especially when you work all day in the kitchen, come home, shower, and cook dinner all you want to do is sit down and relax! And that is exactly what you have to do sometimes. I used to make lists of chores that needed done and get them done in one day. Now, I make lists and I have to get 2 items done by a certain time then I can rest. You can’t over exhaust yourself or you won’t get anything accomplished! It’s hard dealing with the reality that you have to slow down! But in the end the cleaning and the preparing are not worth it! All that matters is that little baby who relies completely on you for life and food!
In the end I pray to God that he watches over my family and leads us in the direction he has already chosen for us! He already knows the path and we have to completely rely on him, just like a baby to their mother!