Figuring Out Life

1 month left until I return to work. 1 month until I can no longer be with my baby boy 24/7. In ways I am joyful that I will be back to work, having a daily purpose but in other ways I am sad.

I one day dreamed that I would become as stay at home mother. There is no doubt that I could do it. I would just need to find other things to do all day. I am an introvert but even an introvert needs to get out and about. I would need a routine, which is doable. But I also love going to work 5 days a week! All my friends are at work so I can do my job and be sociable. I can be a part of the world instead of becoming a hermit! And the same with my children! I would rather my child and future children be at a daycare/babysitter that has other children around. Having other children around will help with their social skills and to be outgoing with other people.

So what shall I do to prepare to go back to work? I already have a pumping schedule down to where I will only have to pump once while at work. I have a babysitter already lined up for during the week, my family will watch him on the weekends I work. But the problems that I foresee are making dinner, doing laundry, cleaning house, and keeping up on the dishes.

We have gotten a dishwasher so some, not all, dishes will be able to be done there. But if I want to keep my kitchen in order I need to wash what little dishes I make in the evening. Shouldn’t be too hard. Keeping up on laundry shouldn’t be too hard. But I also hate hanging and folding laundry, even if it is easy. Every time I let my clean laundry pile up I have tons of laundry to hang and fold. And every time I wonder why I wait until then to do it because it is easy and goes by so quickly. Growing up my mother would make us morning routine lists and we would have to make sure everything was checked off and done before school. If it wasn’t done there would be a punishment. So I am going to make daily to do lists to keep up on laundry and cleaning house. So then I’m not doing so many chores on one given day of the week. I am doing 1 or 2 chores daily.

As for making dinner. I plan on making monthly meal plans where I can make and freeze them ahead of time. From lasagnas, enchiladas, chili, soups, and smoothies. I love to cook! But if I could have just part of the cooking done like marinated meat or all the ingredients in a bag that need thrown in the crock pot or a tin pan that just needs put in the oven! Anything will help me be the wife I know I can be and the mother I want to be! I want to take care of my home as well as enjoy my family!

It’s going to take some work but I am hoping to succeed!

 

Advertisements

It Could Be Worse…

I sat rocking my baby tonight and couldn’t help but cry. It seems that if something is going well for me it never lasts long. For the past few days it seems it take hours for Titus to fall asleep! I stay up rocking, swaying, walking, shushing, and proclaiming my love for him and nothing really seems to work until I try them all! I feel defeated and my husband works 3rd shift so he needs his sleep. Right now everything seems to be put on me! I know I can do it but when I go back to work I won’t be able too! It seems that it takes some men longer to become and realize that it’s time to be a parent!

But I sit here now and realize it could always be worse. Titus could never end up falling sleep at night and sleep all day, he could be very sick, he could cry ALL the time, or he could be vomiting all the time! The point is that we can struggle through life but if we hand it all to God He will take care of it! He will take care of us! He will take care of me! He will take care of you! When you feel like you’ve hit rock bottom, just remember, it could always get worse!

I Held You!

There are moments in my day where I look around my little apartment and realize how much there is to do! The dining room/desk area has needed organized for a while now, the dishes need clean, laundry needs done, the floors need vacuumed, and a whole lot of others chores need done! But what is it I do with my whole day? I hold my baby! Do I put him down time to time to do a little bit of the chores? Yes! Are the chores my number one priority? No. I spent the first week of my little boy’s life stressing and worrying! I told myself that I needed to enjoy my child as long as I could because they will never be this little again! Soon he won’t want me to cuddle him all the time, he won’t want me kissing all over him, and he will be wanting to crawl and play all the time! So I choose to have a messy house because I choose to lay my child in my arms or on my chest to sleep. I choose to stare at his precious little face looking up at me! There is no other place I would rather be than sitting in a chair looking at my little boy!

At night I bath him, read him a bedtime story, feed him, and then rock him to sleep. Lately I have been catching myself prematurely laying him down in his crib too soon! Which means I am going to and from his bedroom trying to calm him with his soother and go back to sleep. In the end I usually have to pick him back up and rock him longer to go back to sleep. I would much rather be out in my chair watching television, playing games on my phone, or even cleaning up the house rather than rocking him so long to sleep. Sometimes it takes me 40 minutes to rock him to sleep. I realized I need to enjoy this time with him! He is happy in my arms, smelling my skin and falling asleep to the sound of rain! Which means I should be soaking in the love and bond that we are sharing! I don’t always realize it but my son is becoming more and more like a momma’s boy! Sometimes he just wants me! Me to hold him, me to look at, or even just me to feed him in the mornings instead of daddy! He isn’t always going to want to admit that he is a momma’s boy so I want to soak it in! I need to LIVE IN THE MOMENT! Be his one and only! Teach him love and kindness!

Just a little advice to new or even advanced mom’s.

Live in the moment!

The chores will still be there tomorrow!

 

What Were We Thinking?

3 weeks and 2 days old and we have attempted a weekend away with Titus! We are away for 3 days and 2 nights and I can’t believe all the things we needed to pack for just that amount of time. The car was filled to the ceiling and this momma is tired! Titus didn’t sleep well last night so I was already pretty tired. I didn’t wake up when I wanted to so I have been running around like a chicken with my head cut off all day!

First we had to run to the bank to get money out, then we ran and got momma coffee (because momma DEFINITELY needed it this morning!), then it was off to Sally’s for shampoo, conditioner, and hair color, and by that time I realized I hadn’t eaten anything! So a quick stop to get food and then off to home. My sister was staying with us the past few days so when we got home she was just getting home from work so while I pumped she fed Titus and put him down for nap so she could bake brownies for me and clean my dishes! She is a blessing! While she did that I packed Titus’s bag and our bags and everything else you need for a baby staying in a hotel! By the time I was done I need to run to Aldi to get snacks, beverages, and lunch items so we aren’t eating out the whole time! I get back and I have to wake up Josh so he could load the car and I could once again pump and feed Titus! Quick side note: Does anyone else think pumping can be a drag sometimes? It just seems like it consumes my whole day!

By the time we got out the door and fifteen minutes away my sister calls and tells me that I forgot my pump parts! (Can you sense my annoyance?) So we turn around get those and we are behind on our schedule! I hate being late! We stop in Fairlawn for Josh’s tuxedo rental and more coffee and Titus starts to get fussy. I felt the same way! We were finally off to stow for the weekend for a wedding! Everything seemed to be better until we arrived at the hotel! I am unpacking the car when I realize I forgot my dress! (Yes, things just got worse!) So I have a screaming baby who needs changed and fed and I am trying to contact my mother to see if she would be willing to drive to my house to get my dress and bring it to Stow! I’m not sur how long it all adds up to but it’s a pretty long trip when you first have to drive the opposite direction to get to my house then back through her town and to Stow!

I don’t know what I would do without my family! They help me out in so many ways that I it’s hard to find the right way to say thank you! I just want to hug them and cry sometimes! So here we are waiting for my mother and brother to bring me my dress! Up side for them is that they get to come and swim in the pool! Time to start the wedding festivities!

Oh, did I mention it is an all day wedding tomorrow?? And Sunday we are going to Josh’s relatives to meet Titus all day? I am definitely going to need a lot of pray for patience and to remember to have fun!

 

Trapped

I thought I was going to enjoy having 3 months off of work. No loud kitchen, annoying co-workers, aching feet and back, managers who treat you like an object rather than a person, or people taking offense to everything you say whether you meant it that way or not. But in the grand scheme of things I loved my job, even with all of its flaws. For one instance my job gave me routine. I woke up at 4:30 am every morning, got coffee, got to work 30 minutes early, worked my eight hours and went home to make dinner and spend time with my husband. Having a baby and being on maternity leave makes me feel imprisoned in my own home. Most people are working all morning and afternoon so there is no one to visit or do something with and when there is you are usually too tired to get yourself and the baby ready to leave the house. I am all about routine and planning ahead so spontaneous plans now as a mother usually never work out. And with it being the middle of winter in Ohio, you never know what the weather will be that day, you can’t really just go to a park or hang out outside! So here I sit, missing my co-workers, missing my kitchen department but also never wanting to leave my sweet baby boy. A mother’s emotions are never clear, we just have to work through them one tear at a time!