You never really understand what people are talking about when they warn you about the baby blues. It could literally be about anything and everything at the same time. For me it was the stress of him not being able to latch on to my breast for breastfeeding. He never truly did without a nipple shield and I was trying so hard to hold everything in. He couldn’t open his mouth wide enough and his chin is recessed so it was already difficult for him to latch on.
We went home on December 30, 2016 and it was emotion overload! I was excited, scared, worried, and sad all at the same time. Questions ran through my mind like “Can I do this?” “Will I be able to survive?” “Will I be able to take care of another human being?” “Were we actually ready for this?” As we exited the hospital parking lot a song came on the radio that explained everything that I was feeling. The song was “I’ll Keep On” by NF. ( https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2bTYKwkr6Y0 ) The first words were “Oh these hands are tired Oh this heart is tired Oh this soul is tired But I’ll keep on” just these words made me cry and reminded me that everything would be okay. God put us and this song in the same moment for a reason. To remind us that we could handle this and everything will be okay!
December 31, 2016, New Year’s Eve, rolls around and I am past exhausted and with dealing with the breastfeeding I broke down and called my mother. I couldn’t stop crying so my mother left her party to come take care of us at 10:30 pm. It was great just having someone other than my husband who knew what I was going through. She helped me with nursing and pumping and washed my dishes. It was truly a blessing that my mother showed up. I don’t think I would have made it through the night without her help.
After my mother came to help me I went to a breastfeeding center a couple of cities over and it was all wonderful help but overwhelming at the same time. I left the center emotionally wrecked and still had to go to my little brother’s 12th birthday party! A couple of days later I decided that I was going to pump and feed it to him through a bottle. I had found out that he wasn’t getting enough milk straight from the breast and wasn’t gaining weight like he was supposed to. I am definitely less stressed now and am enjoying my newborn and the moments we have together! Stress over something so minor isn’t worth losing the precious moments you have with your newborn. You will never get those moments in life!