I Held You!

There are moments in my day where I look around my little apartment and realize how much there is to do! The dining room/desk area has needed organized for a while now, the dishes need clean, laundry needs done, the floors need vacuumed, and a whole lot of others chores need done! But what is it I do with my whole day? I hold my baby! Do I put him down time to time to do a little bit of the chores? Yes! Are the chores my number one priority? No. I spent the first week of my little boy’s life stressing and worrying! I told myself that I needed to enjoy my child as long as I could because they will never be this little again! Soon he won’t want me to cuddle him all the time, he won’t want me kissing all over him, and he will be wanting to crawl and play all the time! So I choose to have a messy house because I choose to lay my child in my arms or on my chest to sleep. I choose to stare at his precious little face looking up at me! There is no other place I would rather be than sitting in a chair looking at my little boy!

At night I bath him, read him a bedtime story, feed him, and then rock him to sleep. Lately I have been catching myself prematurely laying him down in his crib too soon! Which means I am going to and from his bedroom trying to calm him with his soother and go back to sleep. In the end I usually have to pick him back up and rock him longer to go back to sleep. I would much rather be out in my chair watching television, playing games on my phone, or even cleaning up the house rather than rocking him so long to sleep. Sometimes it takes me 40 minutes to rock him to sleep. I realized I need to enjoy this time with him! He is happy in my arms, smelling my skin and falling asleep to the sound of rain! Which means I should be soaking in the love and bond that we are sharing! I don’t always realize it but my son is becoming more and more like a momma’s boy! Sometimes he just wants me! Me to hold him, me to look at, or even just me to feed him in the mornings instead of daddy! He isn’t always going to want to admit that he is a momma’s boy so I want to soak it in! I need to LIVE IN THE MOMENT! Be his one and only! Teach him love and kindness!

Just a little advice to new or even advanced mom’s.

Live in the moment!

The chores will still be there tomorrow!



What Were We Thinking?

3 weeks and 2 days old and we have attempted a weekend away with Titus! We are away for 3 days and 2 nights and I can’t believe all the things we needed to pack for just that amount of time. The car was filled to the ceiling and this momma is tired! Titus didn’t sleep well last night so I was already pretty tired. I didn’t wake up when I wanted to so I have been running around like a chicken with my head cut off all day!

First we had to run to the bank to get money out, then we ran and got momma coffee (because momma DEFINITELY needed it this morning!), then it was off to Sally’s for shampoo, conditioner, and hair color, and by that time I realized I hadn’t eaten anything! So a quick stop to get food and then off to home. My sister was staying with us the past few days so when we got home she was just getting home from work so while I pumped she fed Titus and put him down for nap so she could bake brownies for me and clean my dishes! She is a blessing! While she did that I packed Titus’s bag and our bags and everything else you need for a baby staying in a hotel! By the time I was done I need to run to Aldi to get snacks, beverages, and lunch items so we aren’t eating out the whole time! I get back and I have to wake up Josh so he could load the car and I could once again pump and feed Titus! Quick side note: Does anyone else think pumping can be a drag sometimes? It just seems like it consumes my whole day!

By the time we got out the door and fifteen minutes away my sister calls and tells me that I forgot my pump parts! (Can you sense my annoyance?) So we turn around get those and we are behind on our schedule! I hate being late! We stop in Fairlawn for Josh’s tuxedo rental and more coffee and Titus starts to get fussy. I felt the same way! We were finally off to stow for the weekend for a wedding! Everything seemed to be better until we arrived at the hotel! I am unpacking the car when I realize I forgot my dress! (Yes, things just got worse!) So I have a screaming baby who needs changed and fed and I am trying to contact my mother to see if she would be willing to drive to my house to get my dress and bring it to Stow! I’m not sur how long it all adds up to but it’s a pretty long trip when you first have to drive the opposite direction to get to my house then back through her town and to Stow!

I don’t know what I would do without my family! They help me out in so many ways that I it’s hard to find the right way to say thank you! I just want to hug them and cry sometimes! So here we are waiting for my mother and brother to bring me my dress! Up side for them is that they get to come and swim in the pool! Time to start the wedding festivities!

Oh, did I mention it is an all day wedding tomorrow?? And Sunday we are going to Josh’s relatives to meet Titus all day? I am definitely going to need a lot of pray for patience and to remember to have fun!


Monkey See, Monkey Do!

Warning! Feelings are about to be shared! These are my opinions and in way do I believe that everyone should always take my side! But if I don’t put my feelings in writing I bottle them up and explode on someone! So here it goes.

Today, as I was feeding Titus, I was scrolling through a mom group on Facebook. One of the mother’s made a post on the group wanting to know how to get silly putty out of her carpets. Saying that it was her child that did it. I understand, I would be really annoyed and upset as well! But it was the fact that she didn’t call her child by their name or even just saying that it was her child, she called them “demon spawn”! I’m sorry, I get that kids are hellions. At age 14 both sets of my parents had another child each! Then 2 years later 1 set of parents had another child. That is 3 siblings under the age of 2 by the time I was 16. I have helped raise them like I was their own mother! I know how children can be! But in no way would I call them a “demon spawn” verbally or on a website where anyone can read it! This is not the first time I have seen another mother call their child something that is barbaric in my eyes! I am a new parent so I may sound naïve, but having children has always been a dream of mine! When I was younger, when they would ask what I wanted to be when I grew up I would answer with a mom! I have always loved babies and children! Now that I have my own bundle of joy my heart feels like it may explode every time I look at him. Every time I sing “You Are My Sunshine” to him I start crying from happiness! Will he always be this wonderful baby? No! But I still can never imagine call them such names! It just seems like, dare I say, verbal abuse! Children hang on your every word! Whether you say it, write it, or type it! Watch what you say, soon they will be repeating what you say, becoming who you are and you can’t punish them for it!

Monkey see, monkey do!



I thought I was going to enjoy having 3 months off of work. No loud kitchen, annoying co-workers, aching feet and back, managers who treat you like an object rather than a person, or people taking offense to everything you say whether you meant it that way or not. But in the grand scheme of things I loved my job, even with all of its flaws. For one instance my job gave me routine. I woke up at 4:30 am every morning, got coffee, got to work 30 minutes early, worked my eight hours and went home to make dinner and spend time with my husband. Having a baby and being on maternity leave makes me feel imprisoned in my own home. Most people are working all morning and afternoon so there is no one to visit or do something with and when there is you are usually too tired to get yourself and the baby ready to leave the house. I am all about routine and planning ahead so spontaneous plans now as a mother usually never work out. And with it being the middle of winter in Ohio, you never know what the weather will be that day, you can’t really just go to a park or hang out outside! So here I sit, missing my co-workers, missing my kitchen department but also never wanting to leave my sweet baby boy. A mother’s emotions are never clear, we just have to work through them one tear at a time!


Sleep Update!

Last night was a total SUCCESS! I couldn’t believe it! Around 1 am we had a rough spot but the only problem was he had to poop! When I laid him down he stayed down. Normally, he would have to go down with his soother and within the next 10-20 minutes he would be crying again. I would have to get up and rock him for at least an hour because all he would want is to lay on me or be near me. Last night he would start grunting or slight crying and would go right back asleep! It literally felt like a parenting win! I know not all nights will be like that one but it was great to sleep in between feedings! I honestly think it is because I put my scent in the crib with him and but a rolled up towel next to him. The scent from my shirt let him know I was near and the towel made him feel snuggled and secure! If there are any parents out there struggling to get their newborn to sleep at night in their own bed I definitely recommend this “technique”! Hopefully tonight will go just as smoothly as last night!


Sleep Routine

My husband works 3rd shift at a car parts manufacturer. He was allowed paternity leave for 3 weeks with no pay. He took a week off before Titus entered this world just in case he decided to come early. He went back to work this past Monday evening and I was so nervous. Would I be strong enough to take care of a child at night by myself and get enough sleep? Surprisingly it hasn’t been all bad. The only thing is Titus has become a co-sleeper. All he wants to do is sleep next to me or lay on top of me! While this is all wonderful and I don’t ever want it to stop, it has to. If he doesn’t learn to sleep by himself, in his bed he want ever want to do it when he grows up. I don’t know about all of the other mom’s in the world but I already don’t like sharing a bed with my husband! So the adventure begins tonight wear we keep Titus in bed. Whether I am up all night rocking him back to sleep or just putting the soother back into his mouth, he is staying in bed!

Tonight is night 1. Things are going smoothly so far. I don’t want to get my hopes up but the routine that we have started is working well. The routine was given to me by my mother. She told me it was what we would do with my little brother. It starts with giving him a bath about an hour or more before his last feeding before bedtime. Tonight I bathed him around 6:45-7 pm. After bathing and putting lotion on him I went and got his bottle ready so it could be ready when I needed it. We sat down in the glider in his bedroom and I read him a bedtime story to try and keep him awake. My mother says if you bath him and try to keep him awake until his feeding he will go to bed easier. After reading a story we try to have some “eye” time and just talk to each other. Tomorrow night I may incorporate tummy time. He barely could stay awake during the bedtime story tonight so we didn’t make it to the time I want to but it is a work in progress! After “eye” time I fed him a warm bottle, gave him his soother after he was finished and burped, and rocked him to sleep. Holding my baby boy to sleep is probably the best thing in the world. He is calm and motionless! Snuggled up against you, you are the only person he wants! I wouldn’t trade this moment for anything!

Now, Titus has been having trouble sleeping on his back. My mother said some babies just aren’t back sleepers. She said she bought the foam triangles for my brother to sleep on his side, he wasn’t a back sleeper either, but all he wanted to do was sleep on his belly. I am not buying those foam triangles when all you need is a rolled up bath towel! And I also had the thought that if he is more comfortable sleeping with me maybe if I put the shirt I wore that day in bed with him he would sleep better. Why, you ask? My scent is all over that shirt from the whole day! If he smells my scent he will be more comfortable sleeping! So when I laid him into bed I removed the heating pad, I warm his bed with a heating pad before feeding him so the bed won’t be cold, I positioned his back up against the towel and laid my shirt close enough that he could smell it but not suffocate if he rolled onto his front!

I sat in my living room waiting patiently to hear his cry after 10 minutes, like I normally do, but I heard nothing! He was sleeping! I continued to watch television and I heard him grunting a little bit after a while. I asked my husband to go check on him and make sure he didn’t roll onto his front and was suffocating in my shirt. He indeed had rolled onto his front and my husband didn’t like how much of his face was into my shirt so he rolled him back! He didn’t know that I was laying him on his side to sleep so he rolled him on his back. He continued sleeping! Maybe it’s the smell of my shirt along with having something laying right up against him that soothes him to sleep! I don’t know and I don’t care! He is sleeping in his bed!

Will this last all night? Will it last forever? Only time will tell if this all works, I am hoping it does! Because in the end mommas need to take care of themselves so they can take care of their families! I will try to update tomorrow about how the night went! Pray everything works out for me!


Baby Blues

You never really understand what people are talking about when they warn you about the baby blues. It could literally be about anything and everything at the same time. For me it was the stress of him not being able to latch on to my breast for breastfeeding. He never truly did without a nipple shield and I was trying so hard to hold everything in. He couldn’t open his mouth wide enough and his chin is recessed so it was already difficult for him to latch on.

We went home on December 30, 2016 and it was emotion overload! I was excited, scared, worried, and sad all at the same time. Questions ran through my mind like “Can I do this?” “Will I be able to survive?” “Will I be able to take care of another human being?” “Were we actually ready for this?” As we exited the hospital parking lot a song came on the radio that explained everything that I was feeling. The song was “I’ll Keep On” by NF. ( https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2bTYKwkr6Y0 ) The first words were “Oh these hands are tired Oh this heart is tired Oh this soul is tired But I’ll keep on” just these words made me cry and reminded me that everything would be okay. God put us and this song in the same moment for a reason. To remind us that we could handle this and everything will be okay!

December 31, 2016, New Year’s Eve, rolls around and I am past exhausted and with dealing with the breastfeeding I broke down and called my mother. I couldn’t stop crying so my mother left her party to come take care of us at 10:30 pm. It was great just having someone other than my husband who knew what I was going through. She helped me with nursing and pumping and washed my dishes. It was truly a blessing that my mother showed up. I don’t think I would have made it through the night without her help.

After my mother came to help me I went to a breastfeeding center a couple of cities over and it was all wonderful help but overwhelming at the same time. I left the center emotionally wrecked and still had to go to my little brother’s 12th birthday party! A couple of days later I decided that I was going to pump and feed it to him through a bottle. I had found out that he wasn’t getting enough milk straight from the breast and wasn’t gaining weight like he was supposed to. I am definitely less stressed now and am enjoying my newborn and the moments we have together! Stress over something so minor isn’t worth losing the precious moments you have with your newborn. You will never get those moments in life!


The Day I Have Been Waiting For!


It’s been 13 days since this beautiful miracle entered our lives! The journey was long and emotionally rough sometimes but totally worth it in the end.

The day was December 27, 2016 when I went into my routine appointment to get checked. It also happened to be my due date. The doctor checked me and told me I was still only 1 cm dilated. She ordered an ultrasound to check if the baby was going to be 9 or 10 pounds. Turns out he was around 7 pounds 12 ounces and the technician said there was very little amniotic fluid! He explained this to the doctor and the doctor ordered a stress test. If the baby was under any stress we were going to the hospital right away to be induced and monitored. If not, we were going home to finish getting the house ready, finish packing, and eat dinner before coming back at 7 pm.

At 7 pm I was induced. The contractions started and I lasted 7 hours before the contractions were coming very often but were short lived. I couldn’t take it anymore and wanted to enjoy my labor with him as much as possible. I chose to get the epidural which was terrifying and hilarious to me all at the same time. I couldn’t move or feel anything below my waist which I always found hilarious because every time they would move me or lift my leg I couldn’t feel it but I saw them moving it!

On December 28, 2016, at 6:08 pm, Titus James Allen Vukich decided to grace us with his presence! I was in labor for 23 hours but only ended up pushing for 24 minutes. Some of that time even included waiting for the doctor to arrive. It all happened so fast that when he came out all I saw and thought of was him. He was so beautiful and I was so relieved that I finally got to see hid tiny little face. He was 7 pounds 13 ounces and 18 inches long. I didn’t even hear the doctor say that he swallowed extra fluid, or know that Josh cut the umbilical cord, or that the doctor accidentally nicked the umbilical cord after and sent blood all over the floor. My eyes were only set on him!

Childbirth is terrifying and anxiety filled. But when it is actually happening you aren’t thinking about it. You are just doing it and it is a beautiful moment. I cried for hours just looking at him and thinking about how beautiful he is. (Yes, boys can be beautiful!) All the anxiety was worth it! Don’t be afraid to feel and express your emotions! It just shows how much you already love your child!