Happy December! I’m sorry I disappeared (again)! So many things were happening that I just did not have the time or the energy to even write anything. So to spare you the excuses here I am! Back in action!
Update from the last post! Titus is full on waking and 75% knows how to keep balanced! It happened completely over night! I have no idea where my light boy went!
We bought a house! I never thought that this day would come! We have such a big house with so much room for a pretty low price! We were very lucky to find it when we did! We moved in on June 27, 2017! It was pure bliss when we handed in our keys to the apartment! I was over having no room to live and now that Titus is very mobile it is probably the best decision we made! I am not going to post pictures only because there would be no end to them! I will tell you it is a 1917 colonial house with 3 floors and a basement. Original windows. Tons of woodwork! It is literally perfection to me. We live on one of the main roads so we get a lot of traffic and “walkers”. We usually hear sirens every day at all hours but doesn’t seem to bother us! The natural sunlight is one of my favorite attributes of the house and its location! We have steam heat and it working well now that its winter! Overall it has been a great step for my family and I.
Another plus about moving into this house is that we are a mile or less from my moms house and my grandmas house! I am a big advocate for spending as much time with family as possible! It has been better for me emotionally having support wherever and whenever I need it! It is also great that im living in the city I grew up! It isnt as loud visually, physically, or mentally as the previous city we lived in! We are just happy and that’s all I wanted for life and my family!
Don’t look back – you’re not going that way!
I guess I should start off where I left off. My precious baby boy! He is now 9 months going on 10 months old! Where has the time gone? My once 8 pound little baby is now a SOLID 25-26 pounds! I definitely get a work out holding him! He is still the center of my world and I fall in love with him over and over again! I get up for work, drop him at the babysitters, get to work and by the first break at 9 a.m. I am already missing him dearly! He now cries when I hand him over which breaks my heart every time even though I know he will stop in 2 minutes!
He has grown so fast physically but also mentally! He crawls (FAST!), sits up, stands up, sits down, making all kinds of noises and laughter, eating table food, and is on the verge of walking and talking! Where did he go? He used to fit in my cradled arms and just stare up at me with his deep brown little eyes! You never actually know what a mother is talking about when they say flies by until you experience it! He has taught me patience on so many levels! It all started when we were trying to get pregnant and God said wait! As always I was saddened and every month I was distraught after another negative pregnancy test! And now as a parent I am more laid back, let him try to figure it out first kind of mom. The Nicole everyone knew and still knows would never be like this! I am still the worrier in all aspects of life, just not as much with Titus! I don’t know what it is but I think I just want him to learn to be independent and strong! To be a leader in life! My sister once told me that if you pray for patience then God WILL make you wait! (She said “so don’t ever pray for patience!” Haha) But in a way I am glad he taught me wait and to have patience! If I hadn’t I would not have gotten this miracle I now love!
I could not have asked for a better baby! He is still laid back, quiet until he knows you, and a well behaved baby! Yes he has his moments but he is different than other babies! He is good in public and at restaurants! He isn’t really as picky eater and he loves to drink water! He plays with his toys alone and is happy for it! He isn’t definitely my introverted child but still a socialite! Just like his momma, he can be social but he needs his time to recharge! He still sleeps in his crib and gladly so! But I tell him all the time that I can’t wait to have sleepovers with him in momma’s bed!
There are some things that I have definitely done different and against doctor’s advice! We bought a house (blog to come!) and it was a very stressful time in our lives trying to get things fixed so we could move in and finally have a home! Amongst the stress my milk dried up and I soon after ran out of my frozen stash! I couldn’t afford to be feeding him formula all time so I gave him cow’s milk with karo and water right away! I know I know, baby shouldn’t have cow’s milk until 1 year old. But it is what my grandma gave mom and it is what my mom gave my brother because they wouldn’t take formula! So why not try it? The worst that could happen is he could have a reaction and I would have a panic attack and go to the hospital. But if I never try it I won’t even know. Lo and behold he is perfectly fine. He just has to take a multi vitamin every day that he gladly takes! I also feed my child whatever I want! Again, if he doesn’t try it how will I know if it affects him? So I have given him strawberries, chocolate, etc. In low proportions of course! But I am not going to hide my child from the world!
I officially started cloth diapering him full time in April! Everything is still going fantastically and I seem to be showing more and more people that it is an easy thing to do! And showing them that is definitely cheaper in the end! And not to mention that is healthier for the environment and easy to do all at the same time!
Enough of my child for now, even though I could talk about him for weeks!
“A baby fills a place in your heart you never knew was empty!”
It has been 8 months and 16 days since I last wrote something. Whether it has been something about my life or something I felt inspired to write! It is now October 20, 2017 and there has been so many changes in my life! The good, the bad, the sad, and the ugly! Where does one start?
I have been debating in my head for the last few weeks about if I should start writing again. Getting my thoughts out there so my head wasn’t such a jumbled mess! They say women’s minds are like spaghetti for a reason! So this time I am going to Try and write at least once a week or whenever I feel called to!
I think I shall start with me. Me. The wife. The mother. The daughter. The sister. The homeowner (never thought that would happen!). The friend. The employee. They are all titles that I carry but there are so many more I wish I could claim! But there are also some I wished I didn’t claim. The worrier. The tired one. The nagger. The loud one. The gossiper. The anti-socialist. The list could go on and on! I want to change them! Not totally but for the better! I want to be a better, more positive person! I know it is an achievable goal but I hard part is working at it in every aspect of my life! I look at the people in my life at home, in friendships, and at work and see all the negativity some of them bring! There are people who are mad about having to come to work every day of every week! Like why even come to work if it is that taxing for you? That is the type of person I don’t want to surround myself with. I need positivity to become positive! So I have started meditating, doing brain exercises, and hopefully having the energy after work to go for a walk with my family or do an activity together! Even if it is laying on the floor playing, reading books, or going to visit someone else! I want to be disconnected to technology for at least half an hour a day! Enjoy my husband and little boy!
These days and moments will fly by and if you don’t look up from your screen to look at them you’ll miss the greatest adventure of your life!
1 month left until I return to work. 1 month until I can no longer be with my baby boy 24/7. In ways I am joyful that I will be back to work, having a daily purpose but in other ways I am sad.
I one day dreamed that I would become as stay at home mother. There is no doubt that I could do it. I would just need to find other things to do all day. I am an introvert but even an introvert needs to get out and about. I would need a routine, which is doable. But I also love going to work 5 days a week! All my friends are at work so I can do my job and be sociable. I can be a part of the world instead of becoming a hermit! And the same with my children! I would rather my child and future children be at a daycare/babysitter that has other children around. Having other children around will help with their social skills and to be outgoing with other people.
So what shall I do to prepare to go back to work? I already have a pumping schedule down to where I will only have to pump once while at work. I have a babysitter already lined up for during the week, my family will watch him on the weekends I work. But the problems that I foresee are making dinner, doing laundry, cleaning house, and keeping up on the dishes.
We have gotten a dishwasher so some, not all, dishes will be able to be done there. But if I want to keep my kitchen in order I need to wash what little dishes I make in the evening. Shouldn’t be too hard. Keeping up on laundry shouldn’t be too hard. But I also hate hanging and folding laundry, even if it is easy. Every time I let my clean laundry pile up I have tons of laundry to hang and fold. And every time I wonder why I wait until then to do it because it is easy and goes by so quickly. Growing up my mother would make us morning routine lists and we would have to make sure everything was checked off and done before school. If it wasn’t done there would be a punishment. So I am going to make daily to do lists to keep up on laundry and cleaning house. So then I’m not doing so many chores on one given day of the week. I am doing 1 or 2 chores daily.
As for making dinner. I plan on making monthly meal plans where I can make and freeze them ahead of time. From lasagnas, enchiladas, chili, soups, and smoothies. I love to cook! But if I could have just part of the cooking done like marinated meat or all the ingredients in a bag that need thrown in the crock pot or a tin pan that just needs put in the oven! Anything will help me be the wife I know I can be and the mother I want to be! I want to take care of my home as well as enjoy my family!
It’s going to take some work but I am hoping to succeed!
I sat rocking my baby tonight and couldn’t help but cry. It seems that if something is going well for me it never lasts long. For the past few days it seems it take hours for Titus to fall asleep! I stay up rocking, swaying, walking, shushing, and proclaiming my love for him and nothing really seems to work until I try them all! I feel defeated and my husband works 3rd shift so he needs his sleep. Right now everything seems to be put on me! I know I can do it but when I go back to work I won’t be able too! It seems that it takes some men longer to become and realize that it’s time to be a parent!
But I sit here now and realize it could always be worse. Titus could never end up falling sleep at night and sleep all day, he could be very sick, he could cry ALL the time, or he could be vomiting all the time! The point is that we can struggle through life but if we hand it all to God He will take care of it! He will take care of us! He will take care of me! He will take care of you! When you feel like you’ve hit rock bottom, just remember, it could always get worse!
There are moments in my day where I look around my little apartment and realize how much there is to do! The dining room/desk area has needed organized for a while now, the dishes need clean, laundry needs done, the floors need vacuumed, and a whole lot of others chores need done! But what is it I do with my whole day? I hold my baby! Do I put him down time to time to do a little bit of the chores? Yes! Are the chores my number one priority? No. I spent the first week of my little boy’s life stressing and worrying! I told myself that I needed to enjoy my child as long as I could because they will never be this little again! Soon he won’t want me to cuddle him all the time, he won’t want me kissing all over him, and he will be wanting to crawl and play all the time! So I choose to have a messy house because I choose to lay my child in my arms or on my chest to sleep. I choose to stare at his precious little face looking up at me! There is no other place I would rather be than sitting in a chair looking at my little boy!
At night I bath him, read him a bedtime story, feed him, and then rock him to sleep. Lately I have been catching myself prematurely laying him down in his crib too soon! Which means I am going to and from his bedroom trying to calm him with his soother and go back to sleep. In the end I usually have to pick him back up and rock him longer to go back to sleep. I would much rather be out in my chair watching television, playing games on my phone, or even cleaning up the house rather than rocking him so long to sleep. Sometimes it takes me 40 minutes to rock him to sleep. I realized I need to enjoy this time with him! He is happy in my arms, smelling my skin and falling asleep to the sound of rain! Which means I should be soaking in the love and bond that we are sharing! I don’t always realize it but my son is becoming more and more like a momma’s boy! Sometimes he just wants me! Me to hold him, me to look at, or even just me to feed him in the mornings instead of daddy! He isn’t always going to want to admit that he is a momma’s boy so I want to soak it in! I need to LIVE IN THE MOMENT! Be his one and only! Teach him love and kindness!
Just a little advice to new or even advanced mom’s.
Live in the moment!
The chores will still be there tomorrow!
3 weeks and 2 days old and we have attempted a weekend away with Titus! We are away for 3 days and 2 nights and I can’t believe all the things we needed to pack for just that amount of time. The car was filled to the ceiling and this momma is tired! Titus didn’t sleep well last night so I was already pretty tired. I didn’t wake up when I wanted to so I have been running around like a chicken with my head cut off all day!
First we had to run to the bank to get money out, then we ran and got momma coffee (because momma DEFINITELY needed it this morning!), then it was off to Sally’s for shampoo, conditioner, and hair color, and by that time I realized I hadn’t eaten anything! So a quick stop to get food and then off to home. My sister was staying with us the past few days so when we got home she was just getting home from work so while I pumped she fed Titus and put him down for nap so she could bake brownies for me and clean my dishes! She is a blessing! While she did that I packed Titus’s bag and our bags and everything else you need for a baby staying in a hotel! By the time I was done I need to run to Aldi to get snacks, beverages, and lunch items so we aren’t eating out the whole time! I get back and I have to wake up Josh so he could load the car and I could once again pump and feed Titus! Quick side note: Does anyone else think pumping can be a drag sometimes? It just seems like it consumes my whole day!
By the time we got out the door and fifteen minutes away my sister calls and tells me that I forgot my pump parts! (Can you sense my annoyance?) So we turn around get those and we are behind on our schedule! I hate being late! We stop in Fairlawn for Josh’s tuxedo rental and more coffee and Titus starts to get fussy. I felt the same way! We were finally off to stow for the weekend for a wedding! Everything seemed to be better until we arrived at the hotel! I am unpacking the car when I realize I forgot my dress! (Yes, things just got worse!) So I have a screaming baby who needs changed and fed and I am trying to contact my mother to see if she would be willing to drive to my house to get my dress and bring it to Stow! I’m not sur how long it all adds up to but it’s a pretty long trip when you first have to drive the opposite direction to get to my house then back through her town and to Stow!
I don’t know what I would do without my family! They help me out in so many ways that I it’s hard to find the right way to say thank you! I just want to hug them and cry sometimes! So here we are waiting for my mother and brother to bring me my dress! Up side for them is that they get to come and swim in the pool! Time to start the wedding festivities!
Oh, did I mention it is an all day wedding tomorrow?? And Sunday we are going to Josh’s relatives to meet Titus all day? I am definitely going to need a lot of pray for patience and to remember to have fun!
Warning! Feelings are about to be shared! These are my opinions and in way do I believe that everyone should always take my side! But if I don’t put my feelings in writing I bottle them up and explode on someone! So here it goes.
Today, as I was feeding Titus, I was scrolling through a mom group on Facebook. One of the mother’s made a post on the group wanting to know how to get silly putty out of her carpets. Saying that it was her child that did it. I understand, I would be really annoyed and upset as well! But it was the fact that she didn’t call her child by their name or even just saying that it was her child, she called them “demon spawn”! I’m sorry, I get that kids are hellions. At age 14 both sets of my parents had another child each! Then 2 years later 1 set of parents had another child. That is 3 siblings under the age of 2 by the time I was 16. I have helped raise them like I was their own mother! I know how children can be! But in no way would I call them a “demon spawn” verbally or on a website where anyone can read it! This is not the first time I have seen another mother call their child something that is barbaric in my eyes! I am a new parent so I may sound naïve, but having children has always been a dream of mine! When I was younger, when they would ask what I wanted to be when I grew up I would answer with a mom! I have always loved babies and children! Now that I have my own bundle of joy my heart feels like it may explode every time I look at him. Every time I sing “You Are My Sunshine” to him I start crying from happiness! Will he always be this wonderful baby? No! But I still can never imagine call them such names! It just seems like, dare I say, verbal abuse! Children hang on your every word! Whether you say it, write it, or type it! Watch what you say, soon they will be repeating what you say, becoming who you are and you can’t punish them for it!
Monkey see, monkey do!
I thought I was going to enjoy having 3 months off of work. No loud kitchen, annoying co-workers, aching feet and back, managers who treat you like an object rather than a person, or people taking offense to everything you say whether you meant it that way or not. But in the grand scheme of things I loved my job, even with all of its flaws. For one instance my job gave me routine. I woke up at 4:30 am every morning, got coffee, got to work 30 minutes early, worked my eight hours and went home to make dinner and spend time with my husband. Having a baby and being on maternity leave makes me feel imprisoned in my own home. Most people are working all morning and afternoon so there is no one to visit or do something with and when there is you are usually too tired to get yourself and the baby ready to leave the house. I am all about routine and planning ahead so spontaneous plans now as a mother usually never work out. And with it being the middle of winter in Ohio, you never know what the weather will be that day, you can’t really just go to a park or hang out outside! So here I sit, missing my co-workers, missing my kitchen department but also never wanting to leave my sweet baby boy. A mother’s emotions are never clear, we just have to work through them one tear at a time!
Last night was a total SUCCESS! I couldn’t believe it! Around 1 am we had a rough spot but the only problem was he had to poop! When I laid him down he stayed down. Normally, he would have to go down with his soother and within the next 10-20 minutes he would be crying again. I would have to get up and rock him for at least an hour because all he would want is to lay on me or be near me. Last night he would start grunting or slight crying and would go right back asleep! It literally felt like a parenting win! I know not all nights will be like that one but it was great to sleep in between feedings! I honestly think it is because I put my scent in the crib with him and but a rolled up towel next to him. The scent from my shirt let him know I was near and the towel made him feel snuggled and secure! If there are any parents out there struggling to get their newborn to sleep at night in their own bed I definitely recommend this “technique”! Hopefully tonight will go just as smoothly as last night!